LYRICS to "The Power of They Might Be Giants Dial-A-Song"

The Unreleased Section,

and "Ondine" and "Don't Make Me Kill You Again"

Version 2.0 Aug. 2, 1994

Here are the lyrics to part one of that wonderful tape compiled by

Mark and Brett, based on repeated listenings by Jeffrey Chen, Lisa Devlin,

and James Chen. "Ondine" and "Don't Make Me Kill You Again" have been

included as well, because they are not on _John_Henry_. The lyrics have

been written down with 92% certainty, though lingering doubts always remain.

Passages of less certainty are footnoted.

If you have corrections or other input, please mail to

[email protected] by November of 1994. Thank you for your interest and

curiosity.

All songs presumed to be written by John Flansburgh and John Linnell,

unless otherwise indicated.

NOW THAT I HAVE EVERYTHING

The mirror on the wall

Won't talk to me at all

Now that I have everything

The place inside the frame

Just doesn't look the same

Now that I have everything

I wasn't always so fortunate

But I knew what I had to do

To be well-to-do

And it had to do

With the things I had to do

And I don't want anything

I don't want anything

Now that I have everything

I can't tell things apart

I don't know where they start

Now that everything don't remind me of yesterday

Put down that sofa, no, please don't say

All the things I think I know that you're about to say

"Everything is everything," is what you're just about to say

There was a program, sort of an inquiry

As to what would be

Just the thing for me

If it came to be

I would have to wait and see

And I don't want anything

I don't want anything

Now that I have everything

I can't tell things apart

I don't know where they start

Now that I have everything

And the mirror on the wall

Won't talk to me at all

Now that I have everything

The place inside the frame

Just doesn't look the same

Now that everything don't remind me of yesterday

GETTING SENTIMENTAL OVER YOU

Never thought I'd fall

But now I hear the call

I'm getting sentimental over you

Things you say and do

Just thrill me through and through

I'm getting sentimental over you

Once I wondered why

I'd sit at home and sigh

I'm getting sentimental over you

Words cannot describe

This poetry inside

I'm getting sentimental over you

I thought I was happy, I could live with myself

Now I see there's nothing more that I'm thinking of

Won't you please be kind

And just make up your mind

That you'll be sweet and gentle

Be gentle with me

'Cause I'm getting sentimental over you

(Repeat last two verses)

HOW MUCH CAKE CAN YOU EAT?

The shining spoons of this town

All point in your direction

Can you keep a secret?

We can trust you, we can throw you

Are you sitting on your feet?

How much cake can you eat?

Are you sitting on your feet?

How much cake can you eat?

Are you sitting on your feet?

How much cake can you eat?

Are you sitting on your feet?

How much cake can you eat?

SWING IS A WORD (SIX FEET DOWN)

Who can nab my finger?

Nobody can, nobody can

Where's my catfish drama(1)?

In the can, the big trash can

Swing is a word

Six feet down

Swing is a word

Six feet down

Swing is a word

Six feet down

Swing is a word

Six feet down

3-8-7-6-9-6-2-night

Swing is a word (3-8-7)

6-9-6-2

Swing is a word (3-8-7)

6-9-6-2

Swing is a word (3-8-7)

6-9-6-2

Swing is a word (Swing is a word)

Six feet down

(1) "catfish drama": we can't make this out to be anything else, silly as it

sounds

CUPID

I'm taking down Cupid 'cause I'm feeling so mad

Why I'd break his leg

I'd kill myself if I was somebody else

I'm feeling so beside myself

To paging Mr. Right

Puh-leaze to move your van(1)

She thinks of him especially

I think he's kicking sand

In my face, just like in that ad

And I had to walk away feeling mad

To paging Mr. Right

Puh-leaze to move your van(1)

So I'm taking down Cupid 'cause I'm feeling so mad

I'd break his leg

I'd kill myself if I was somebody else

I'm feeling so beside myself

No, I'm taking down Cupid 'cause I'm feeling so mad

Why I'd break his leg

I'd kill myself if I was somebody else

I'm feeling so beside myself

I'd

(1) "To Paging Mr. Right / Puh-leaze to move your van": This mysterious

couplet makes little sense written this way. Some have suggested simply

that the line is "Paging Mr. Right," though a "too" (or "tooth") sound

can be heard preceeding it. The second line is most accepted to be

"Please to move your van," with "please" said as "puh-leaze." Other

suggestions are "Please do move your van," "Police have moved your van,"

and "Believed to move your van."

COUTERFEIT FAKE

Hey, hey, counterfeit fake

History wants you, they made a mistake

Hey, hey, counterfeit fake

History wants you, they made a mistake

(Repeat the verse)

I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE

I find it hard to believe

That I'm embarassed at me

For being upset

Over acting so contemptuously

I find it hard to believe

Acting so contemptuously

I find it hard to believe

Acting so contemptuously

That I'm embarassed at me

Acting so contemptuously

That I'm embarassed at me

For being upset

Over acting so contemptuously

Acting so contemptuously

On me

I find it hard to believe

I NEED SOME LOVIN' (by Jem and the Holograms; sung by Jem and the Holograms)

I need some lovin'

Some turtle-dovin'

To dry the ocean

Of tears running down my spine

I need some kissing

But I know you're lis'ning

To all the radios

That tune in to read my mind

They say

Loose lips

Fat cheeks

White teeth

Big hair

Brass bed

With a sign that reads

Nobody rides for free(1)

I need a honey

To spend my money

To call my phone machine

And hang me up at night

(Repeat first verse)

(1) The words in this verse aren't too clear; I'd say our certainty here

was more like about 80%. Specifically, "Fat cheeks" is very unclear,

and "Big hair" actually sounds a lot like "Big head."

CONFUSING THE MIND

Yes, you can scare a person by confusing his mind

Let's start one step at a time

Yes, you can scare a person by confusing his mind

Always remember, there are two diseases in any business

Well, jeepers, we've got two or three children

There's no need for confusing the mind

Or... or-or filling up the mind with those little things that-that(1)...

(1) The dashed words in this line, such as "that-that" represent stutters;

in the case of "that-that," it could perhaps be something else that

finishes the line and doesn't just leave it hanging

DON'T I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE LOVED?

You sure weren't rich, didn't drive through the city

Never whispered sweet nothings, never dressed up too pretty

I guess you weren't perfect, just perfect for me

But you left me, now I'm destroyed

You cheated at cards, and lied when you hung out

In bars making time with those men you called old pals

I cried when you left me, now I'm wondering when

You'll make it all up to me

Don't I have the right to be over you yet?

I try to remember to try to forget

When it's past three a.m.

I would still let you in

'Cause I can't go on dreaming alone

Don't I have the right to be over this fling?

You once said you loved me, we talked about rings

I would try someone new

If that someone would love me the way you did

Don't I have the right to be loved?

To be loved?

HI, HONEY, I'M HOME

Hi, honey, I'm home

How was your day?

Hi, honey, I'm home

(Repeat the verse)

WEEP DAY (titled on the tape as "Tropical Island," aka "A Wonderful Song")

I never went to the tropical island

Though everybody said they saw me there

And it wasn't me who punched the hole in

At the West German protest march

Simultaneous events don't happen

We are isolated temporally

And the part is never called the whole thing

Though it bothers us to know it's so

Every man is made of two opinions

Every woman has a second half

And it's samba time for Tambo and Weep Day for Urine Man

Yes, it's samba time for Tambo and Weep Day for Urine Man

I didn't write the words you hear me saying

I didn't sing the line before this one

You are not the one I was addressing

That was until return to Africa

(phonetically) Wear-in-not-to-cont-to-lef-for-million(1)

Who is now a Buddhist in a cave

Who is pitching for the Oakland Raiders

Striking out the batter she became

Every man is made of two opinions

Every woman has a second half

And it's samba time for Tambo and Weep Day for Urine Man

Yes, it's samba time for Tambo and Weep Day for Urine Man

(1) If you can figure this line out, we'd be grateful

WE JUST GO NUTS AT CHRISTMASTIME

Up the driveway, down the walk

Oh, Janet's hair is like a mop

Who's got her own, but acts like something's

Different from the eyebrows up

Seems like only yesterday

Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E

I love you both and Yuletide is pure

H-E-double-L for me

And we just go nuts at Christmastime

That's when everything falls apart

We just go nuts at Christmastime

But it's another year before we're together again

We just go nuts at Christmastime

That's when everything falls apart

We just go nuts at Christmastime

But it's another year before we're together again

MRS. CINDERELLA

Mrs. Cinderella

Please don't pound on my chest

I can not see you now

I can not have seen you before

When it turns twelve o'clock

I'll be back by myself

And you'll be back in his arms

As Mrs. Somebody-Else

Mrs. Cinderella

Please don't knock down my door

You've been around the world

And I've been around my block

When I hear you say

I hear somebody talking

And when I hear you talking

I hear somebody say

MAINSTREAM, U.S.A.

Can I have this last dance, my darling?

Can I have this last dance with you?

I wanna dance the whole night tonight

And can I have this last dance, my darling?

Can I have this last dance with you?

Then the words that he told to the fellow next door

Mainstream, U.S.A.

I flipped that guy the bird

Mainstream, U.S.A.

Is all I wanna say

Mainstream, U.S.A.

I flipped that guy the bird

Mainstream, U.S.A.

Is all I wanna say

We are the world (accompanied with babble)

We are (with babble going along)

We are the world (with more babble)(1)

Mainstream, U.S.A.

I flipped that guy the bird

Mainstream, U.S.A.

Is all I wanna say

(1) This whole verse sounds like on-the-spot babble. From what we could make

out, it sounds like one person is screaming "We are the world" and the

other is screaming "Back in our world." In the middle line, one's

saying "We are," and the other's saying "I are the you" or SOMETHING.

We don't know for sure what they're saying, but we also figure that it's

probably irrelevant to the song anyway, sounding as spontaneous as it

does.

BRAINWASHIN' OUR FIGHTING BOYS

Somebody's been

Brainwashin' our fighting boys

Somebody's been

Deprogramming them so they won't fight anymore

They're searching for the missing chimp

But they won't find him

The missing chimp is sewing gimp with me

He won't fight because

Somebody's been

Brainwashin' our fighting boys

Somebody's been

Deprogramming them so they won't fight anymore

Uh-They're safe and sound

Uh-With its arms akimbo

Uh-Little legs are danglin'

In the pond, its big toe

Brainwashin' our fighting boys

Somebody's been

Deprogramming them so they won't fight anymore

They've been forced to live

In a land of love

Forced to live

In a land of love

CONCRETE AND CLAY (by the Unit 4+2)

You, to me

Are sweet as roses in the morning

You, to me

Are soft as summer in that dawning(1) love we share

That something rare

(CHORUS)

The sidewalks and the street

The concrete and the clay beneath my feet

Begin to crumble

But love will never die, you know

We'll see the mountains crumble

Before we say goodbye, my love

And I will be

In love eternally

That's the way

That's the way love was meant to be

All around

I see the purple shades of evening

On the ground

The shadow's fallen once again, you're in my arms

So tenderly

(Repeat CHORUS, instrumental, then repeat CHORUS again)

That's the way

That's the way love was meant to be

(1) "soft as summer in that dawning": a lesser degree of certainty here;

anyone ever heard the original?

NEXT PLANE TO LONDON (by Rose Garden)

(CHORUS)

I'm on the next plane to London

Leaving on runway number five

Next plane to London and I'm missing her

That baby of mine

Told her I was gonna be a star

But to do it I would have to go far away

But I'll come back someday

And take her away

(repeat CHORUS)

Said that over here I was "in"

Down in Hollywood I couldn't find a friend

Who would help me get in

Or listen to me

(repeat CHORUS)

Maybe over there I'll get a start(1)

Only hope by leaving I don't break her heart

The more important part

Than any record on the chart

Next plane to London

Leaving on runway number five

Next plane to London and I'm missing her

That baby of mine

Next plane to London

Leaving on runway number five

Next plane to London and I'm missing her

Whoa-whoa

(1) "get a start": he sings it like "get star," but we think this is what

he's trying to say. Anyone ever heard the original?

GET AWAY

Get away

The token back to Brooklyn fell between the grating

And we're just watching it sinking

The fare went up to one hundred dollars

And we can never go home again

The fare collector's drinking lighter fluid

And claimed she killed our parents

Our feet start running at a furious pace

But we can't get away

BREAD HAIR

I'm a wigged-out daddy with bread on top

I dig an easy-bake granny with a whiskey mop

If you love me, you needn't the whole wheat crop

'Cause they had a useless battle and'll never stop

Bread hair, oh boy, oh boy

You're drivin' all the hope away

I'm a pumpernickel-do for you, dough you do

Use a yarmulka of hallah bread if you're a Jew

I belong to cayope, I be the wheat for you

Yeast to now bake an hour, it's annoying shampoo

Bread hair, oh boy, oh boy

Drivin' all the hope away

Bread hair, oh boy, oh boy

You're drivin' all the hope away

That's a gone rug, buddy(1)

(1) This whole song, not counting the obvious chorus, is hard to hear.

Therefore, I give the certainty here about 70%. Within the two main

verses, specific doubts include: the fourth line of the first verse;

the first line of the second verse; "cayope," (pronounced ki-YOPE), is

a word I just made up to fit the sound, because we don't know what he's

saying here; and the rest of that whole second verse as well. Apparently,

the "Jewish" line is the only one in the second verse that we're all sure

of!

WE LOVE ALL THE PEOPLE

We love all the people

We love to rock the house

No one knows we're coming

So no one's coming out

To this particular rock club

Have we played this club before?

Y'see I can't remember

If we've played this club before

Put your hands together

Get on your knees and pray

Next time we come around here

We won't be back this way

Or to this particular rock club

Is that really the P.A.

Or just somebody's radio

Left in the corner of the room?

HIYA

Hiya, hiya, hiya, hi

Don't be so jaded

I'm quite sincere

Though we may differ

You'll be right here

Top of the heap

Kings of all we survey

The last thing's a clinker

Who says it's not?

Just try your best

It's all that we've got

Hiya

Hiya, hi

(repeat and fade)

THE WRITING'S ON THE WALL

Half the boy(1) and nothing else

Put me in the driver's seat

I wanna make promises I can't keep

Half the boy(1) and nothing else

You were once my sole desire

You could've built me up, but you made me lie to you

You never took me serious

And my heart betrayed my every word

Now love's not only for the curious

You said the writing's on the wall

Well, I should know 'cause I wrote it all

Half the boy(1) and nothing else

Put me in that driver's seat

I wanna make promises I can't keep

Half the boy(1) and nothing else

I wish that I could lend and share

I wish that you could set my bail for me

You always took me serious

And my heart conveyed my every word

Now love is only for the curious

I said the writing's on the wall

But you should know 'cause you wrote it all

Half the boy(1) and nothing else

Put me in the driver's seat

I wanna make promises I can't keep

(1) "Half the boy": This is what the line sounds most like, although it is

probably really either "Half a boy" or "Have the boy"

THE KING OF WINGO

Long ago, in a bucket of mud

There was a newborn cell that was hungry for blood

It was conflicted by two contrary hearts

And it divided into constituent parts

Then they conflicted some more

Then the two became four

Then there were eight on the scene

And the little one screamed

"I am the King of Wingo

The King of Wingo

Yes, I'm the King of Wingo

The King of Wingo

I am the King of Wingo

The King of Wingo

Yes, I'm the King of Wingo

The King of Wingo

I run the mud

I get the blood

I have the hearts

I am the blood(1)

I run the mud"

(1) "blood": We believe the right word here should be "parts," even though

it sounds like "blood." If you'll notice, that would make the last

words of each line of the last verse match with the last words of each

line of the first verse. Maybe they got mixed up... then again, maybe

it's just supposed to be "blood."

OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY

Operators are standing by

Smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee

Bounce their shoes at the end of their feet

And wish they could go home

Operators are standing by

Poking holes in the ceiling tiles

Making jokes about their old boyfriends

Operators are standing by

Talking about their portrayal

On T.V. when an actress sits

With a headset in outer space

That's enough talking, ladies

Operators are standing by

Smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee

Pass round the picture of a Mobius Strip

And wish they could go home

MAINE

Relaxing on its hands and knees, relaxing on its face

Reclining in the bear-trap of its tender warm embrace

Glazed with coniferous green

Glazed with excitement and dread

Exhausted from over-sleep

Awake but still in bed

The shaving razor's rusty but the sting brings you exactly back to

Maine! was the world that moved south

Maine! was the punch in the mouth(1)

Maine! at the top of the chart

Has crushed my evil heart

Maine! is the devil you know

Maine! is the heaven below

Maine! at the top of the chart

Has crushed my evil heart

I love you anyway

I promise there's no other state

But only if you stay away

And leave my family out of this(2)

And give me back my evil heart so I can see you as you are in

Maine! was the world that moved south

Maine! was the punch in the mouth(1)

Maine! at the top of the chart

Has crushed my evil heart

Maine! is the poison you love

Maine! is the hell from above

Maine! at the top of the chart

Has crushed my evil heart

(1) "Maine! was the world that moved south / Maine! was the punch in the

mouth": We're actually pretty sure of these lines. The reason that

they're footnoted here is merely because of specific doubts that bring

down our certainty level, specifially: though we're quite satisfied

with "world that moved south," the line is sung quite unclearly; and

"the punch" could be "a punch"... it's a little hard to tell, but that's

getting nitpicky anyway. Either way works.

(2) "But only if you stay away / And leave my family out of this": This line

might possibly be something else. "stay away / And" could be "stay

awake / And" or "staaaay / we can..." And "out of this" could be "out of

it," "out of here," or even "out of me."

I MIGHT BE GIANTS, TOO

They might be giants

This world might go too far

I should be saving those tears

I need to know, so won't you care, do you?(1) (They might be giants)

This world might go too far

I should be saving those tears

I need to know, so won't you care, do you?(1) (They might be giants)

This world might go too far

I should be saving those tears

I need to know, so won't you care, do you?(1) (They might be giants)

I might be giants, too

(1) "I should be saving those tears / I need to know, so won't you care, do

you?": These two lines are quite questionable. It sounds like "saving

those tears" in the first and third verse, but not in the second. Maybe

they sang something different there, but we are under the impression

that it's just one verse sung three times. Also, the following line,

"I need to know (etc.)," sounds really weird, and this is our best shot

at it, especially since "so won't" really sounds like "sont," and "do

you" sounds more like "deeyou" or "reeyou."

ONDINE

Ondine, you won

All she left behind was an unloaded gun

And my face is blushing

From all the things she's done

You couldn't miss that girl

'Cause here she comes

Ondine, back up

Up over my body with your pick-up truck

And finish what you started

'Cause I'm done

I searched the whole world over

To find these words

Ondine, Ondine

Ondine was here

I couldn't even take away a souvenir

Of what's left of this singer(1)

She used to call me that

I searched the whole world over

To find these words

Ondine, Ondine

(1) "this singer": this is what it sounds like, though it might be different

DON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU AGAIN

Why'd you have to go

And wreck it apart?

Been waiting such a long time now

For the good times to start

What'cha tryin' to prove (Don't make me kill you again)

By acting so tough? (Don't make me kill you again)

Figure out a way to say "baby" (Ah-ah)

And dust yourself off (Don't make me kill you again)

What'cha tryin' to do by rattling my cage?

Did you take some bad pill sometime to make you be this way?

What'cha tryin' to prove (Don't make me kill you again)

By acting so tough? (Don't make me kill you again)

Figure out a way to say "baby" (Ah-ah)

And dust yourself off (Don't make me kill you again)

Why'd you have to go (Don't make me kill you again)

And wreck it apart? (Don't make me kill you again)

Been waiting such a long time now (Don't make me kill you again)

For the good times to start (Don't make me kill you again)

Special thanks to Clare Waterson, Mark Weinfeld, Jenny Smith, Eric2026, Kevin

P. Hogan, David M. Aronchick, and Bill Krauss for all the help, suggestions,

and clarifications.

And, also, thanks to John and John for making the service available!